Man, his days are as grass;
As a flower of the field he thus flourishes.
The wind blows over it, and it is not;
And its own place remembers is no more.
---Psalm 103: 15
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Educated Puns (*Groan*)
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
3. Shewas only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
9. Two silk worms had a race.
They ended up in a tie.
10. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.
The police are looking into it.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
(From an e-mail circular)
He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
3. Shewas only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
9. Two silk worms had a race.
They ended up in a tie.
10. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.
The police are looking into it.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
(From an e-mail circular)
Saturday, January 30, 2010
The Quality of Mercy
The quality of mercy is not strained.
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath. It is twice blest:
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes.
Tis mightiest in the mightiest; it becomes
The throned monarch better than his crown.
His scepter shows the force of temporal power,
The attribute to awe and majesty,
Wherein doth sit the dread and fear of kings.
But mercy is above this sceptered sway;
It is enthroned in the hearts of kings;
It is an attribute of God himself;
And earthly power doth then show like God's
When mercy seasons justice.
---William Shakespeare; 1600
(Portia’s speech in Act IV, Scene 1 of The Merchant of Venice)
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath. It is twice blest:
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes.
Tis mightiest in the mightiest; it becomes
The throned monarch better than his crown.
His scepter shows the force of temporal power,
The attribute to awe and majesty,
Wherein doth sit the dread and fear of kings.
But mercy is above this sceptered sway;
It is enthroned in the hearts of kings;
It is an attribute of God himself;
And earthly power doth then show like God's
When mercy seasons justice.
---William Shakespeare; 1600
(Portia’s speech in Act IV, Scene 1 of The Merchant of Venice)
Labels:
books,
contentment,
happiness,
humanity,
Jesus Christ,
knowledge,
literature,
Love,
moderation,
religion,
shakespeare
Monday, January 4, 2010
Kids' Humor
Q: What's a cat's favorite button on the DVD player?
A: The "paws" (pause) button.
---from a popsicle stick
Friday, November 20, 2009
Treasures
"The best things in life aren't free---they're priceless!" --Marie Byars
Labels:
children,
contentment,
friendship,
happiness,
humanity,
Love,
Marie Byars,
parenthood,
Perseverance,
success
One-Hit Wonder!
Q: What's the most requested pop song at Notre Dame Cathedral?
A: "Gargoyles Just Wanna Have Fun!" (ouch!)
Monday, November 16, 2009
Laymen's Guide to Pregnancy Terms
Baby Shower Actually, baths are recommended
Birth Canal Formerly known as "Love Canal"
Booties What's shakin' at the club
Cesarean Section Where Julius always sat at the Coliseum
Coach How you can afford to fly after Baby comes
Cravings Why you're sold on "Ben" and "Jerry" for baby names
Delivery Pizza or Chinese?
Due Date Librarians' top concern
Engorged Why your cups runneth over
Fatigue French for "overweight"
Fertilization Why you're growing at this rapid rate
Fetus "We're hungry!"
Genes What you won't be fitting into for a while
Heartbeat Amount of time it takes to get pregnant
Lamaze L.A. Freeways
Maternity Synonym for "achy & tired"
Morning Sickness Bringing up dinner at breakfast
2 O'Clock Feedings No, not late lunches with "the girls"
Placenta Italian food made from cornmeal
Rocker Bowie, Jagger, Van Halen, etc.
Stretch Marks Groucho's taller brother
Umbilical Cord A real love connection
Vitamins Great Supplement to pickles & ice cream
Womb The best prenatal unit there is!
Labels:
children,
friendship,
funny,
Groucho Marx,
humanity,
humor,
Love,
Marx Brothers,
nature,
non sequiter,
Perseverance
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)