Friday, June 29, 2012


(from an e-mail circular)

  • I changed my I-Pod’s name to Titanic. It's syncing now. 
  • When chemists die, they barium. 
  • Jokes about German sausage are the “wurst.” 
  • A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. 
  • I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time. 
  • I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me. 
  • This girl said she recognized me from the Vegetarian Club, but I'd never met herbivore. 
  • I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down. 
  • I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words. 
  • They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O. 
  • PMS jokes aren't funny, period. 
  • A class trip to the Coca-Cola factory: I hope there's no pop quiz. 
  • Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery. 
  • I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me. 
  • Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils? 
  • When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble. 
  • I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me! 
  • Broken pencils are pointless. 
  • England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool. 
  • I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx. 
  • I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough. 
  • Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes. 
  • Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
  • Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.
  • I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
  • Never fall in love with a tennis player because to a tennis player, love means nothing.
  • I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
  • All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.

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