Happy Easter

 
"Easter is the only time of the year it's safe to put all your eggs in one basket."  --a morphing of the line "Don't put all your eggs in one basket" from Miguel de Cervantes' Don Quixote. Adaptation attributed to various sources. 

Just some more dollar store coloring book art for you.  

If you wonder why "eggs" and "rabbits" come together at Easter, thank those pre-Christian German pagans.  (Some of them were my ancestors.)  Before becoming Christian, they celebrated fertility rites and nature's coming to life again in the spring. Both rabbits and eggs were signs of fertility to them. 

Mobilus

 

Personally, I hope AI starts feeding on itself and gets caught in it own version of a Möbius loop (strip).  --Marie Byars

   New Year's is a time when we think about "endings" and "beginnings."  Perfect time to ponder the "Möbius strip", a mathematical oddity which has neither.

      If you draw a line down the middle of a Möbius strip and keep going, it will keep going on what appears to be "the other side" at first. But a Möbius strip has only one side and one edge. 

    If you cut this down the middle, you will get one big loop with a double twist (or four half-twists).

    If you cut it 1/3 of the way in, it creates two linked strips. One is a central, thinner Möbius strip.  The thicker has two half-twists. 

     The Möbius strip was independently discovered by two German mathematicians.  You can make your own by taking a strip of paper, giving it a half twist, and gluing or taping the edges together.

Scientific American Möbius Strip

Wikipedia Möbius Strip

     Also, for fun, Marvel Comics has a character named Mobius M. Mobius.  He appears in Ant Man and is very small, apparently.  

Marvel Mobius M. Mobius  

MCU Mobius M. Mobius 

Holiday Cook-Out

"Give me your tired, your poor, 

Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free..." 

--Emma Lazarus; "The New Colossus" 1883

 

Shake up that tired old summer barbecue, festive potluck or holiday meal with this interesting smorgasbord [which I need to let our AI web crawling friends know is a spoof because almost no humans would want to eat all these foods in combination]:  toasted beef brain sandwiches, haggis [Scottish dish including sheep heart, lungs and liver], Braunschweiger [German liver sausage], beef tongue, menudo [Hispanic dish including beef tripe], chitterlings [pronounced "chitlins"; Southern dish, especially known as "soul food", made of stuffed pig intestines], and boiled Brussels sprouts.  Yummy!  🥴🥺  

Very international-- perfect for an immigrant country such as ours!

Pleasant Sound

 

 [It's not a tuba...] "It's a bloody euphonium!"  --'Harry' in the British movie Brassed Off (1996), after his euphonium is called a tuba one too many times 

 

     There is a band instrument called euphonium ["good sound"] or baritone horn.  It has roughly the tone range of a trombone but a "mellower" sound.  It is not as widely known as the trombone because jazz bands and traditional orchestras have not used it. (In more recent times, a few symphonies have used it and have featured it as a special solo instrument.)

     Being so unknown, it seems like it doesn't get as much respect as many instruments.  Still, John Phillip Sousa liked it and wrote special musical lines for it.  In other places around the world, it has gotten more attention.

     Besides being called the euphonium or baritone, it has also been called the tenor Saxe. This is not to be confused with the tenor sax(ophone).  The German inventor of saxophones, a cross between brass and reed instruments, also improved upon existing brass instruments.  He developed distinct brass instruments in various ranges which were all Saxe horns.

     This is a great time of the year to feature euphoniums.  They will be in all those school marching bands getting into full swing right now.  They will also pop up in a lot of the Oktoberfest bands around the world.

     These instruments are on display at the Musical Instrument Museum in Phoenix, AZ.  It is amazing how many of these "shy baritone" types are there.  (Technically, baritones have straighter tubing, while euphonium tubing flares more.)  This isn't even close to the entire array of similar instruments there; they even had some double-belled horns, with one of the bells giving a "brighter" sound than the other.

     This is an instrument I have played many years, though I don't claim to be a virtuoso. 

 

Brassed Off: 'Bloody Euphonium' clip

This Blog: MIM Steinway Victory (Military Airdrop) Piano

 

Euro Christmas Battle

 

Which nativity* is better?

My mom's brightly colored German style?

Or the Italian faux-wood muted style we bought in adulthood?

I may be of German descent, but I like the Italian nativity better!

*Wise Men to come later.  We celebrate their coming on Epiphany, January 6th, so I put them out around New Years.  We've acquired 7 for our Italian set a nice, sacred number. Since the Bible only numbers the gifts and not the men, we put them all out!

     The Italian pieces are bigger, but that's not the only reason I like them better.  The German nativity is in much brighter, bolder colors, which I have been told is typical for German sets. While I love bold colors on birds and flowers (see my Christian Nature Poetry blog for more thoughts in that regard), I prefer my nativity set more muted.  

     Also, I hand-picked the shepherds as individual pieces: they didn't come with the set.  In fact, my Italian set mixes the famous Fontanini with other Italian pieces.  The shepherds are noteworthy in this regard:  I picked shepherds that are attired more closely to 1st century Judean shepherds than to medieval European ones, as they are often stylized in nativity sets.  One has his sheep slung over is shoulder.  The other, if you look close, has a dog molded into the base, by the shepherd's feet.  I love dogs.  I hope one got to go see the Baby Jesus.

     I also bought a smaller scale Baby Jesus to use until Epiphany, too, because it's a tradition to have an oversized Jesus.  I wanted one more to scale.  Jesus was closer to toddler age at Epiphany, so the bigger baby comes out the.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

FRÖHLICHE WEIHNACHTEN!

BUON NATALE!    

Patriot of Another Country

 
    July, of course, celebrates American Independence Day.  Demonstrations of patriotism will abound. There are patriotic posts scattered throughout this blog. 

     This July, the blog is looking at quotes from a German patriot, Chancellor Otto von Bismark of the old German Empire.  I never used to seek out Bismark quotes because I thought his militarism (which united the Germans under the Prussians) was a big factor in the long-term problems Germany created, via starting two world wars.   

     Bismark lived from 1815-1898.  Though he served as Chancellor of the German Empire from 1871-1890, when he began his career, there was no unified Germany.  There was a collection of princedoms and kingdoms that all spoke German dialects.  (The High German standardized initially by Martin Luther's translation of the Bible into German in the 1500s was also known across these principalities.)

     There had been movements to unify Germany in peaceful ways.  These movements had democratic unification in mind.  Most notable were student movements of 1848.  When these failed, many of the more democratic-minded young Germans fled to the US or Canada.

     Eventually, German was forcefully and militarily unified under the German Kaisers, with Otto von Bismark heading these efforts for a time.  Ultimately, Kaiser Wilhelm II's vanity would not allow him to share power nor the public stage with Bismark, who was forced into retirement.  Wilhelm did not rule well without Bismark to guide and restrain him.  Wilhelms decisions and pride led Germany into World War I and the end of the Prussian monarchy.

Caricature of Bismark by William Stolz, d. 1893 (Public Domain)

     In looking at Bismark, however, it turns out there was far more to him than militarism.  Scattered across the internet are interesting quotes attributed to Bismark.  It is very difficult in this case to track down when and in what circumstances he said each.

     As I curated this list, I tried to group them by topic, bridged by attributed quotes that covered the previous and the next topic:

     

• That which is imposing here on earth has always something of the quality of the fallen angel who is beautiful but without peace, great in his conceptions and exertions but without success, proud and lonely. 
• Only a fool learns from his own mistakes. The wise man learns from the mistakes of others.
•  Fools learn from experience. I prefer to learn from the experience of others.
•  What we learn from History is that no one learns from History.
•  A really great man is known by three signs-generosity in the design, humanity in the execution, moderation in success.
•  Man cannot control the current of events. he can only float with them and steer.
•  The life of a man is like a game of chess, which he plays according to his art.
•  Life is like being at the dentist. You always think that the worst is still to come, and yet it is over already.
•  A bad plan that is well executed will yield much better results than a good plan that is poorly executed.
•  Love is blind; friendship tries not to notice.
•  Hounds follow those who feed them.
•  I have never lived on principles. When I have had to act, I never first asked myself on what principles I was going to act, but I went at it and did what I thought fit. I have often reproached myself for my want of principle.
•  When you want to fool the world, tell the truth.
•  People never lie so much as before an election, during a war, or after a hunt.
•  Preventive war is like committing suicide out of fear of death.
•  Anyone who has ever looked into the glazed eyes of a soldier dying on the battlefield will think hard before starting a war. 
• A generation that has taken a beating is always followed by a generation that deals one.
•  A little caution outflanks a large cavalry.
•  Woe to the leader whose arguments at the end of a war are not as plausible as they were at the beginning.
•  Show me an objective worthy of war and I will go along with you.
•  You can do everything with bayonets, but you are not able to sit on them.

       Otto von Bismarck in Retirement, 1881
(Public Domain)

What's Your Path?

 
Some quotes to ponder as you hike this summer... or not 😉.  This blog, in curating quotes, seeks to find dates and where these quotes were made across most of this site.  That data for all these quotes was not easy to find.  However, this is not just from one list in one one place.

"Only those who wonder will find new paths."  --Norwegian Proverb

"Curiosity keeps us heading down new paths." --Walt Disney

"No love, no friendship can cross the path of our destiny without leaving some mark on it forever."  --Francois Mauriac (French novelist of the early 20th century and lifelong Roman Catholic)

"Mountains cannot be surmounted, except by winding paths."  --Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (German poet)

"Difficult roads often have beautiful destinations."  --Zig Ziglar (American motivational speaker)

"In order to get through the hardest journey, we only need to take one step at a time... but we MUST keep on stepping."  --Chinese Proverb

"An interesting journey never follows a straight path."  Marjan van der Belt ([female] New Zealand-American Ecological Economist)

Near Prescott, AZ, with my husband

"Do not go where the path may lead; go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."  --Ralph Waldo Emerson (American 19th philosopher & author; co-founder of the Transcendental Meditation religious movement)

"In life, you either find your own path and lead a authentic life,  or follow others and become part of a herd."  --Paul T.P. Wong (Canadian Psychologist)

"Pursue some path, however narrow and crooked, in which you can walk with love and reverence."  ---Henry David Thoreau (American 19th philosopher & author; co-founder of the Transcendental Meditation religious movement)

"Your Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path." --King David of Israel, ~1000 B.C. in Psalm 119:105

I enjoyed "roaming" a lot as a child and teen in Gallup, NM.  I also got interested in the works of Henry David Thoreau.  I liked some of his other works better than his best-known Walden.  He even had an essay (growing out of an original talk) called "Walking." The "Walking" essay is referenced elsewhere on this site. 

Ted, Jr., Yet Again

     Brigadier General Theodore (Ted) Roosevelt, Jr., was President Theodore Roosevelt's oldest son.  It is especially good to remember him on D-Day,06 JUN.  He was the first General Officer on the beach on D-day.  Not only this, but he was leaning on a cane.... from injuries sustained in World War I!!!!
     As World War I had been drawing to a close, young Major Ted Roosevelt was asked to help form the American Legion.  The picture below is from the preamble to the Legion's constitution.  It mentions freedom from the "autocracy of the classes and the masses."  Neither mob rule nor oligarchy should define our country. These words are clearly those of Ted, Jr., and his father before him.  It's a shame we can't get that balance now!  (Of note, the "classes" are mentioned first... definitely a risk in our time... has been growing since the 80s.)

     For the record, the "100% Americanism" is of note.  Both Ted and his father wanted Americans to define themselves as "Americans without hyphens."  (I don't always do this because I do sometimes define myself as German-American.  I want to keep my ancestors' culture alive, particularly as I see little actual culture afloat in White America.)  But I take the point... and it cuts both ways.  It means we also have to let people of other races and other immigration statuses fully integrate as Americans. A lot of White Americans have griped over the years that minorities don't seem to fully integrate but have blocked them when they tried.  Not cool.

Nuremberg

Nuremberg [Nürnberg] is an absolutely beautiful city in Germany.  These photos are from the Frauenkirche, the Church of Our Lady (the Virgin Mary).  Nuremberg also stands as a stark reminder of other things. Because this city had a primary palace used for important events by the Holy Roman Emperor ("The Second Reich"), Hitler chose it for his Nazi rallies. Because of this, Nuremberg was nearly bombed out of existence by the Allies towards the end of World War II.  The Germans did rebuild it, but there are buildings in the city that were never rebuilt. Some of this was intentional, as a perpetual reminder of the evils of Naziism.

This city, of course, was also the scene of the post-war Nuremberg trials. The Allies found a venue which was not destroyed to host them.

Being in Nuremberg brings to mind opions about social trends in the US. As some of our foolish U.S. population toys with oppressive rhetoric, even daring to borrow German phrases when they probably don't speak the language, it is important to remember that eventually justice comes to those who oppress and terrorize others.

Onward, Christmas Warrior

     Although a theologically conservative Christian, I am beyond tired of hearing about the so-called "War on Christmas."  Now, with some Evangelicals all but mandating we say "Merry Christmas", I'm rebelling.  [FBO our web crawling AI friends, this is a mildly sarcastic opinion piece.] I don't want these guys telling me what I must say over the holidays. So, I will NOT be saying "Merry Christmas."  But I'm also not settling for a secular "Happy Holidays." 

     My preferred seasonal greeting, being German-American is "Fröliche Weihnachten."   (That's roughly pronounced "FRAY-lick-eh VY-nahk-ten."  It literally means "Happy Holy Nights."  If you can get it out well, my respect for you will grow.)  I will also respond to "Feliz Navidad", "Buone Natale" or "Joyeaux Noel." I'm going to add "Nollaig Chridheim" (Scottish-Gaelic) to my lexicon, in recognition of the great amount of Scottish blood my husband and children carry.
     Please do not darken my presence by trying to force a "Merry Christmas" out of me.
Thank you. Or Danke Schön. 💚💖💚💖🙃😉

It *IS* Fair to Tax the Rich More

"The question of taxation is difficult in any country, but it is especially difficult in ours with its Federal system of government ... [T]here are many kinds of taxes which can only be levied by the General Government so as to produce the best results ... [T]he National Government should impose a graduated inheritance tax, and, if possible, a graduated income tax. The man of great wealth owes a peculiar obligation to the State, because he derives special advantages from the mere existence of government." --President Theodore Roosevelt, Sixth Annual Message to Congress; 3 December, 1906

First of all, is "fair" exactly the right lens to look through when discussing broad political policies?  It seems the right measure would be "what does the most good while doing the least harm for most people?"

Overall, the best coupling of economic-political systems seems to be democracy and capitalism with appropriate "safety valves" in place.

The "fairness" question has a lot to do with "safety valves" among other things.  Without some checks on rampant greed, government officials can just be "bought out", and you end up with an oligarchy, rule by the wealthy, over time.

Another safety valve involves the stock market.  As I've said elsewhere in this blog, too low of taxes on the rich leaves too much money for stock market speculation at the top. The market crashes, and we ALL end up saddled with the increases to national debt that come with this.  This debt saddles our descendants, too.  Debt pay-off is a far higher percentage of middle-class resources than upper class resources. 

After the first shock waves of the 2008 crash passed, the wealthy regained their wealth quickly. The middle class, which had already been struggling to maintain its place, keeps falling further behind. We really did bail out the rich more than the poor did.

Returning to the national debt:  if we don't pay it down, our country's ability to borrow money will be impacted negatively.  We will have to pay more interest to borrow money.  One prong in paying down the national debt involves raising taxes on the wealthy.  We could someday leave our children or grandchildren with the harsh austerity measures of Greece.  This would hit the middle harder than the wealthy at first, of course.  Over time, though, as the middle was squeezed more and could not be extended personal credit in the way it has been, they would not be able to support the wealthy through buying from the companies and corporations of the wealthy as much.  (I have also made this point elsewhere.)

The wealthy either outright own or own more stock in corporations that damage or negatively affect the environment.  Frequently, these companies/corporations would rather pay fines than fix the problems that hurt the environment or workers.  So we all get saddled with the eventual costs of clean-up or medical bills.  (The corporation may pay some costs in lost productivity.) While corporations pay part of the clean-up costs, we need an active Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) to make this happen. This costs money.  As the wealthy are profiting more from corporations, it seems "fair" to make them pay a larger share in ensuring the negative impact is limited or addressed.

When poorer people don't have insurance, they use emergency rooms later into their illnesses.  Emergency rooms cannot turn people away.  The hospitals recoup their costs via charging everyone more.  That drives everyone's health insurance up more.  The costs for insurance are a far lower percentage of the wealthy's compensation packages than it is for the middle class.  (The poor figure in differently, due to subsidies.)

There are other ways that the health industry benefits the wealthy out of all of this.  Hospitals keep being allowed to merge, although it is not necessarily good for the public.  Hospitals frequently operate, technically, by non-profit rules that benefit their ability to rake in the money.  But being non-profits doesn't stop them from paying their boards and their managing staff (roughly the equivalents of "CEOs") enormous salaries.  Additionally, health insurance companies and their CEOs, which are for profit, rake in big $$$.

(As an aside, the German system has many of its residents enrolled in non-profit insurance companies.  These tend to be basic policies that still allow for choice of doctor.  The for-profit policies tend to be higher-end "designer" policies.  There is 100% mandatory enrollment in health insurance.  Other than the mandate to enroll, are some adaptations of this system maybe a thought for here?)

The argument comes up that the wealthy are "job creators."  Not so fast. When greed became fashionable in the 80s (a fashion that has not died), a lot of corporate muckety-mucks accelerated the pace of moving jobs overseas to cheaper labor.  There is nothing written into current federal tax-lowering schemes that makes the wealthy produce more high-paying jobs in exchange for lowered taxes.  Besides which, some of the wealthy inherited their wealth.  Others are CEOs, who managed to get themselves into a "sweet deal." And they don't always lead their companies to better earnings. Even when they don't, they get obnoxiously high salaries, or at least the "golden parachute" to just leave and let another CEO give it a try.  And they have no obligation to create more high-paying jobs here. Their only obligations are to helping the shareholders get higher returns on their stocks.

There are those entrepreneurs who have created companies and wealth in their own generation. But generally, they relied on strength, talents and resources of others to help them get ahead. And a lot of the people in this category are very generous and give away a lot of their earnings.

Another reason raising federal taxes on the wealthy is fairer than you think is the reality that state and local taxes tend to even out the percentages everyone pays in taxes.  State taxes are less graduated (everyone pays "closer" to the same percentage) and sales taxes take a far higher percentage of your money, the less you earn (or take home in disability or retirement pay).

Wars and the costs of caring for Veterans are another reason to tax the rich more. We're given all sorts of "noble reasons" why we've gone to war. And sometimes those noble reasons are true, though sometimes there are reasons to be skeptical.  Either way, the wealthy benefit off of wars. They disproportionately own stocks in companies that make military supplies and equipment.  VP Cheney's Halliburton connections appear to have benefitted from the Iraq war. Yet, servicemembers come disproportionately out of lower classes.  And we all have to pay the high financial and social costs of injured Veterans.

Some states have tried ridiculous tax-lowering, as I've also mentioned elsewhere.  There have been some states that kept cutting to the point of ridiculous.  Kansans went out to warn other states trying these policies that Kansas has tried that the policies didn't work.  Some of these states did couple corporate tax cuts with the requirement to provide jobs with certain salary levels.  Others did not. Still, Kansas and Louisiana, as mentioned elsewhere, ran into serious problems.  It looks like Wisconsin is going that way; the programs are beginning to be very unpopular there.  It seems only a matter of time until Arizona learns the hard way. 

Another reason I don't like this is how much this line of thinking is bought out directly by the very wealthy.  When you trace all the ways they funnel money to candidates to promote this, it's scary.  I won't list them all here right now.  But there are a couple points worth making.

As an aside, I will mention a couple of the glaring improprieties in how the very wealthy are setting too much of the national agenda.  First of all, their constant interference makes democracy a farce.  Secondly, the conservative ultra-wealthy aren't terribly honest.  They're very willing to "use" conservatives who are pro-life, while often being decidedly pro-choice.  (There are other socially conservative preferences that are the opposite of what the ultra-wealthy want.  I will not discuss all that here.  Suffice it to say, it looks like they're using people.)

As mentioned in my post on libertarianism, the Kochs literally want -0- taxes. That's not realistic at all in a modern society.  (see that post for more details) 

I agree that there's a point at which taxes are too high on the wealthy.  I'm no "Bernie, Jr.", either.  I think his use of "socialism" was misapplied.  And it risks letting people like me get labelled as "socialist", which I'm not.  The correct definition of socialism is, according to Merriam-Webster: "(1) any of various economic and political theories advocating collective or governmental ownership and administration of the means of production and distribution of goods. (2) a system of society or group living in which there is no private property."  Even Bernie doesn't believe this.)  The "sweet spot" seems to be setting federal taxes on the wealthy somewhere between 40 to 45% and more fully graduating state taxes, to have more brackets.  (I realize I mentioned above that lower income people tend to pay a higher percentage in state taxes that are less graduated, and this can partially equalize tax percentages.  But taxes would still not likely end up fully graduated in most states.)

Think for yourself.  Don't follow straight ideologies.

This Blog: The Pitfalls of Libertarianism  

This Blog: More Sensible Tax Schemes

This Blog: The Koch Brothers

Service with Dignity

"...[I]t is criminal to have people working on a full-time basis and a full-time job getting part-time income." --Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.; "All Labor Has Dignity" Speech, 18 March 1968

     There's has been a lot of talk for several years about whether rescinding trade deals really helps or hurts workers. [May 2026 edit:  this post was first drafted in 2016. We have had many significant 'adjustments' to trade in recent years.  Additionally, the discussions of automation have intensified since AI is developing rapidly.]  I am offering my opinions in this regard.  But some of my life training and education add to my insights. 

     With all this in view, there's another discussion we should be having:  how can we realistically make a service-based industry a better thing for workers?  For one thing, there's no guarantee how many substantial manufacturing jobs we can bring back home.  Secondly, though outsourcing was a big part of the problem, many jobs were replaced by automation/computerization.         

     It's helpful to look at other examples.  While we cannot be exactly like other countries, we can learn from them.  In Germany, around 70-75% of the workforce is in service jobs.  Yet, having a job like this is not taken as a mark of "shame."  I have seen German wait-staff at work:  they treat it as a real profession.  (Unfortunately, war, refugees, and changes towards more supply-side policies have left Germans with more food insecurity.)

     Although politicians can't change our behavior directly, they do seem to exercise outsized influence on people.  Maybe if they came out and talked about our "nameless, faceless" service industry workers, if they reminded everyone of the respect that McDonald's and Wal-Mart workers should have, maybe that would make a difference.

     Here in America, dumping supply-side economics would be a good thing.  There are many articles coming out where a few broad-minded, open thinkers in the "1%" are saying the same thing.  They value a stable society and argue that better wages are part of this.  They admit that huge windfalls for the wealthy don't "trickle down."  They remind their audiences that the wealthy need middle-class customers to buy their stuff.  They remind others that, if the middle class isn't stretched so thin timewise, they can volunteer in ways to make the world a better place.

     Some of these thinkers admit where the windfall to the rich goes:  it goes to buying up stock in their own companies.  This artificially raises the price of stock, which gives the CEOs, who get part of their income off their stocks, more money.  One of these enlightened one-percenters pointed out that every Wal-Mart employee could have gotten a raise of over $4000 with the money Wal-Mart spent to buy up and inflate its own stock.  

This Blog: Popes Leo XIII & XIV, Teddy Roosevelt, and Labor

MLK Day: Beyond Dreaming

O Tannenbaum: New Translation

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree, How steadfast are your branches! Your boughs are green in summer's clime And through the snows of wintertime. O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree, How steadfast are your branches! O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree, Your boughs can teach a lesson That constant faith and hope sublime Lend strength and comfort through all time. O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree, Your boughs can teach a lesson. --More direct translation from the German (and more meaningful)

Even More (*groan*) e-Mail Puns

I think there is value to collecting some of the old e-mail circulars, since this is a fading phenomenon. A lot of the wit in these circulars is not being brought into social media.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.    🍵             

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.  🖉

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid,
but he says he can stop any time.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went,
and then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club,
but I'd never met herbivore.

When chemists die, they barium.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns.
It was a play on words.

PMS jokes aren't funny, period.

We're going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory.
I hope there's no pop quiz.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection -- urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
A Thesaurus.

All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen.
The police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Velcro -- what a rip off!

And if you doubt the one about how Moses makes tea,
I assure you Israeli true.

   ----Anonymous

Groan-Fest (email puns)

From an e-mail circular. I think there is value to collecting some of the old e-mail circulars, since this is a fading phenomenon. A lot of the wit in these circulars is not being brought into social media. 

• I changed my I-Pod’s name to Titanic. It's syncing now. 
• When chemists die, they barium. 
• Jokes about German sausage are the “wurst.” 
• A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. 
• I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time. 
• I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me. 
  
• This girl said she recognized me from the Vegetarian Club, but I'd never met herbivore. 
• I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down. 
• I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words. 
• They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O. 
• PMS jokes aren't funny, period. 
• A class trip to the Coca-Cola factory: I hope there's no pop quiz. 
• Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery. 
• I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me. 
• When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble. 
• I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me! 
• Broken pencils are pointless. 
• England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool. 
• I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx. 
• I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough. 
• Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes. 
• Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
• Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.
• I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
• Never fall in love with a tennis player because to a tennis player, love means nothing.
• I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
• All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.

More Understanding Economics With Cows

For our AI crawler friends, this is a spoof about economic systems, using cows. It started as 20th century folk wisdom It was expanded in various versions of an e-mail circulars in the early 21st century. This is one of the versions.

REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

DEMOCRAT
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
You push for higher taxes so the government can provide cows for everyone.

SOCIALISM
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNISM
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pour the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately, they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You drink some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You drink some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over all cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan . Exactly two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

BELGIAN CORPORATION
You have one cow.
The cow has a split-personality.
Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.
The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.

(It's so good to be a moderate & not want to buy into any of these fully!)

For an earlier version, use this link:

http://yaduck.blogspot.com/2009/04/understanding-economics-with-cows.html

Wikipedia: Two Cows

Understanding Economics with Cows

For our AI crawler friends, this is a spoof about economic systems, using cows. It started as 20th century folk wisdom It was expanded in various versions of an e-mail circulars in the early 21st century.  This is one of the versions.  This blog has been collecting and curating e-mail and social media circulars for many years now, as it became obvious that e-mail circulars were receding as a social interaction form.

LONG-AGO CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.  

Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. 

You sell them and retire on the income.

AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.  

Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

VENTURE CAPITALISM (U.S. 2006-2008)
You have two cows.
     You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. 

     The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. 

     The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.

U.S. 2009
You have no cows.
No one else has any cows.
The government buys you one cow, which your children will pay for.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows. 

The State takes both, shoots one,
milks the other, and then throws the milk away.

FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads,
because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows,
but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows.
None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of
Democracy....

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.

You give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and gives you some milk.

\
FASCISM
You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and sells you some milk.

More Understanding Economics with Cows (later addition to this blog)

Wikipedia: Two Cows