A More Gentlemanly Manner

"For what do we live, but to make sport for our neighbours, and laugh at them in our turn?" - -Jane Austen in Pride and Prejudice (1813); Mr. Bennett to Lizzy (near the end of the book)

University Press edition, 1906

   Part of Lizzy's response to Mr. Darcy's first proposal in Pride & Prejudice is known to most readers.  (If you haven't read the book or viewed any of the adaptations you may be a bit lost here, but there is enough context to see you through.)  Whie the exact words of his proposal, beyond his opening, "You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you" are not recorded, the responses of both parties after the actual proposal are.  Many adaptations work the following response of Lizzy into the dialog: "You are mistaken, Mr. Darcy, if you supposed that the mode of your declaration affected me in any other way than as it spared me the concern which I might have felt in refusing you, had you behaved in a more gentlemanlike manner."

Portrait of Rosamand Croker [later Lady Barrow] by Sir Timothy Lawrence, 1827.
This is often used as cover art for Pride & Prejudice in modern times, seemingly to represent Lizzy.  Although the sitter was only 17, some criticize Jennifer Ehle for looking "too old" to play 20-year-old Lizzy in the 1995 BBC series; yet Ehle does not look appreciably older than Miss Croker.

    But there's someone else in this story who is shown to have behaved in an ungentlemanlike manner many times over.  This term is rarely used to describe Mr. Bennet, Lizzy's father, but literary critics and readers are beginning to express more and more that Mr. Bennet is too often given a pass, just because his wife is a histrionic ditz.  She came by her ditziness naturally, and Mr. Bennet married her as such  because he let her looks overshadow his judgment.  But her histrionics were born out of some real fears: because the property was to be "entailed" on the next male heir in line and the five daughters did not have much 'fortune' [dowry], there was real risk of falling into hard times and poverty when Mr. Bennet died.  Yet Mrs. Bennet, with little training, little ability, and coming out of the class of tradespeople into the landed gentry via marriage, was left to shoulder the matter of seeing her daughter's well-married.  Mr. Bennet was too "indolent" (i.e. mentally lazy), too conflict-avoidant, and too self-absorbed in less-obvious ways (i.e. hiding out in his library with his expensive books unless he had an opportunity to drop a sarcastic barb; waiting for the mic drop moment decades before microphones were invented) to do his job as a Georgian or Regency Era husband and father, especially one from the landed gentry.

   

How does Mr. Bennet fall short?

• A regency gentleman was to be active managing his estate and overseeing the concerns of his tenant farmers. The novel never mentions him engaging in these activities.
• P & P refers to a "home farm" in the sense that the horses were needed for work.  Yet Mr. Bennet is never discussed showing active management of these affairs.  Compare this and the item above to Mr. Knightly in Emma or Mr. Darcy in this story. 
• A gentleman would be obliged to duel to defend his honor.  Duels were not generally intended to be a fight to kill in this era, but things could still happen.  (As is known to many Americans, Vice President Aaron Burr killed Alexander Hamilton in a duel.)   There was no way that Mr. Bennet was going to duel Mr. Wickham over the honor of his daughter, Lydia.  There were risks to the other surviving females, as well as his own indolence to overcome.
• A gentleman would have handled his disagreements and disappointments with quiet dignity.  Instead, Mr. Bennet made as much sport of his wife and three younger daughters as he did people outside the family because he was disappointed in discovering how silly Mrs. Bennet truly was not long after marrying her.  One of the most cringeworthy and public ways he did this was the rude way he redirect his daughter, Mary, when she wanted to play the piano and sing longer than was socially adroit for her.  Granted, she did not have genius nor taste, neither did she play to whatever strengths she had, but Mr. Bennet's brusque cut-off of her in front of everyone was a very uncomfortable moment for all who witnessed it. 
• He seemed to avoid socializing with neighbors as much as he could, something expected from gentlemen.
• There is no discussion of Mr. Bennet conducting public service in the way a gentleman did, although this could be called an "argument from silence", along with the critiques regarding actively managing his estate above.  Still, taken all together, it paints a consistent picture of someone who did not carry out the duties of his station in life. 
• Mr. Bennet seriously failed to provide for his wife, should he outlive her, and his daughters, who were sure to outlive him.  He showed little concern about this, as long as he could enjoy his library in his lifetime.  Mr. Bennet's annual income of 2000 pounds yearly at his time would translate to $200,000 - $250,000 in our time.  Out of this, he could have laid some money aside for each daughter's fortune and still have had plenty to live on. With interest being about 4 - 5% yearly, Mr. Bennet had an opportunity to grow a fortune for each, especially since housing was already paid for in the form of Longbourne Estate.
• Mrs. Bennet came into the marriage with a fortune of 5000 pounds.  Rather than saving most of the interest from her fortune and allowing it to reinvest and compound yearly, he allowed his wife to fritter this money away.  After 20+ years marriage, she still had a fortune of 5000 pounds, to be divided five ways amongst her daughters.
• Mr. Bennet could see that his wife did not have intellect nor breeding.  Yet he did not move to get his daughters tutors, governesses, nor special instructors.  He failed their educations, doing nothing more than encouraging reading. While his older daughters, particularly Lizzy and even Mary, seem to have done this, there was no oversight.  Mary absorbed factoids which she applied without context, to the annoyance of many people she met. The younger two avoided studies.  These oversights made his daughters less "valuable" on the marriage market. 
• Books were very expensive in Jane Austen's day.  Mr. Bennet clearly had many in his library, though the book never says how much he spent on books.  He does indicate near the end of the book, though, that he, too, had been too much of a spendthrift to save well for his daughters.

All in all, Mr. Bennet did not behave "in a gentleman-like manner."  It appears that Lizzy, who was clearly his favorite and who started with high regard for her father, began to see the truth of this as the novel unfolds.  

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