For your April Fool's enjoyment:
- The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
- I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
- I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
- Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
- I intend to live forever or die trying.
- A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
- All people are born alike-- except Republicans and Democrats.
- Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
- A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
- She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
- Either he's dead, or my watch has stopped.
- Why, a four-year-old child could understand this. Run out and find me a four-year-old child: I can't make head nor tail out of it.
- Before I speak, I have something to say.
- Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
- Humor is reason gone mad. --Groucho Marx
