Solitude

Laugh, and the world laughs with you;
Weep, and you weep alone;
For the sad old earth must borrow its mirth,
But has trouble enough of its own.
Sing, and the hills will answer;
Sigh, it is lost on the air;
The echoes bound to a joyful sound,
But shrink from voicing care.

Rejoice, and men will seek you;
Grieve, and they turn and go;
They want full measure of all your pleasure,
But they do not need your woe.
Be glad, and your friends are many;
Be sad, and you lose them all,—
There are none to decline your nectared wine,
But alone you must drink life’s gall.

Feast, and your halls are crowded;
Fast, and the world goes by.
Succeed and give, and it helps you live,
But no man can help you die.
There is room in the halls of pleasure
For a large and lordly train,
But one by one we must all file on
Through the narrow aisles of pain.
 
― Ella Wheeler Wilcox, 1883


"Solitude" is Wilcox's most famous poem. She was travelling to Madison, Wisconsin, to attend the Governor's inaugural ball. On her way, there was a young woman dressed in black, crying, sitting across the aisle from her. Miss Wheeler moved next to her and tried to comfort her.  When they arrived, the poet was so unhappy that she could barely attend the festivities herself. Looking in the mirror, she suddenly recalled the sorrowful widow and she wrote the opening lines of "Solitude." 

Zig-Zags

Overheard:  "I blame Obama for Trump." 

       Well, I blame "W" for Obama.  And I blame Clinton's sexual peccadillos for "W" getting into power and for the failure to launch something more Centrist (we were "almost" there!)  And I blame Reagan's 2nd term for cementing the Republican "Let's help the rich get richer" operations, which pushed too many people right into the arms of the Dems. That time led to a greater imbalance in favor of the wealth and of corporations, the widening gap between rich and poor, and the eroding of the middle class.  There was an outcry for more economic equality, but this also opened to door to all this extreme societal liberalism. (We could otherwise have marched slowly & steadily towards compromises on decent treatment for everyone without this new sensibility that we shouldn't have our own opinions about morality anymore.) 
     The pendulum swings just stink... and they've affected nearly every aspect of our lives. 

The 50 Shades of the Picture of Dorian Christian Grey

[trash reading for the literary-minded*]

Dorian Christian Grey was exceptionally good-looking and successful in business... whatever that business was.  His friends keep reminding him of how handsome he is.  He sees other people in business aging, being treated as irrelevant, and, well, just not looking "hot" anymore.

 

Dorian had had his portrait painted by an up-and-coming artist.  The portrait and Grey's patronage launched this painter.  But, now, Dorian decides he will make a deal with the dar kside: he will sell his eternal soul for eternal youth.  His aging and every ugly deed he does will show up on the portrait,  instead, which he keeps hidden.

 

 He seduces and marries a young girl, "Anesthesia" (because she quickly dulls the mind, being so vapid). After a few "off-beat" encounters with her (which he had insisted upon, despite her half-hearted commitment), Grey decides he needs something much more bizarre to maintain interest.  He makes Ana sign a contract adhering to absolute secrecy on her part,  agreeing to do whatever he says. He then shows her the portrait and forces her to do weird, unspeakable things with it. (Therefore, I will not speak of them.  But, unfortunately for her, they do not involve body paint.) 

 

 

There are other sources of twisted enjoyment for Grey in this bizarre set-up. He also takes some sort of strange pleasure out of watching his portrait and his wife age while he does not.   He also gets a cheap thrill that "runs like electric current through the very core of his being" (just had to throw in the gratuitous Harlequin romance-type comment) by having her always refer to him as "Mr. Grey, sir."  He enjoys her degradation at watching the French maid (another gratuitous addition) refer to him as "Mon Cheri" or "Babycakes."

 

This goes on for decades.  However, the French maids came and went because, well, they weren't "hot" anymore. Ana realizes his immortal soul is in danger... and, amazingly, she still cares.  At last, she throws caution to the wind, and saves them both.   She throws the portrait in the fire, and he instantly ages. 

 

Grey feels freed, and embraces his new life... a life in Depends, which by now has become a "fetish" for both of them. With his business connections, they become spokespeople for Depends, and meet Mick Jagger on the Rolling Stones Depends tour. 

 

They all live happily ever after... well, at least for about five years.  Then the Grim Reaper, with cold and calculated precision (another gratuitous trite phrase) aims his steady scythe first at Dorian. Ana, seeing this, throws herself on the Reaper's scythe (thanks, Will, for that literary device from Romeo & Juliet).  As the reader can see, even though she disentangled herself from the messy portrait business, she remained as vapid as ever.  

 

[Warning to children & others:  do not try this at home.  Throwing yourself on sharp objects, ending your life for a lost love or ANY reason, or threatening to or thinking about doing are very serious.  Seriously.  Bad parody aside.]

 

 The Reaper stealthily captured Mick during a botox procedure to keep those fantastic lips.

 

So, they all left the world, only minimally improved from basic shallowness.   And, there, my readers, you have it: a Grey literary mash-up. (Not so hard because both men in the originals were callow.)  A mash-up with some elements for the "greying" crowd (pun intended).

 

     ----Author; wisely disavows public connection

     ----Published: USA, TakeAdVANTAGE Books, 3 years from never

 

*For my Christian readers: don't think I've turned on you.  I didn't read the "50" series nor see the movie; just read about them.

For those who object to "50" on domestic violence grounds, please don't think I'm making light of your concerns.  Concerns noted. I agree that Christian Grey shows very abusive tendencies, whatever someone might think separately about BDSM.

 

 

President's Day

     We've had 44 [as of this posting] men who've led this country under the Constitution (plus eight more who led it under the Articles of Confederation).  This month let's take more than just a day to remember them; however much we might criticize them, it's a tough job.

A Time for Everything

To paraphrase from words more divinely eloquent than mine:

"There is an appointed time for everything.  
And there is a time for every event under heaven ~

 A time to economize, and a time to expand;
A time to plant, and a time to uproot what is planted.
 A time to regulate, and a time to deregulate;
A time to criticize opponents, and a time to build consensus.
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance.
A time to be merciful , and a time to close borders;
A time to embrace, and a time to shun embracing.
A time to search for truth, and a time to give up searching;
A time to expand business, and a time to support the environment.
A time to debate, and a time to bring together;
A time to be silent, and a time to speak.
 A time to love, and a time to hate;
A time for war, and a time for peace. 
What profit is there to the populace from our toils?  I have seen the task which God has given the sons of men: to be wise stewards of earthly resources to use in the Kingdom of God.  He has made everything appropriate in its time."   

          ----Marie Byars, from Ecclesiastes 3:1-11

Remorse

Remorse is memory awake,
Her companies astir--
A presence of departed acts
At window and at door.

It's past set down before the soul,
And lighted with a match,
Perusal to facilitate
Of its condensed despatch.

---from the poem by Emily Dickinson

The Real Laws of Nature

Forget Newton and Galileo. Here are the real laws of nature:

1.Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability- The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

5.Supermarket Law - As soon as you get in the smallest line, the cashier will have to call for help.

6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.

7.Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11.. Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the event is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. 

12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

15. Law of Logical Argument- Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy -As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

19. Doctors' Law- If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better... But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick. This has been proven over and over with taking children to the pediatrician. 

--From an anonymous e-mail circular

A Sobering Political Thought

SERENITY PRAYER, November 2012 edition: God grant me the serenity to accept we currently have a 2 party (only) system, the courage to work to change that, and the wisdom to vote the best I can in the meantime.   ---Marie Byars                    

   

Experience

I stepped from plank to plank

So slow and cautiously;

The stars about my head I felt,

About my feet the sea.

I knew not but the next

Would be my final inch,---

This gave me that precarious gait

Some call experience.  ---Emily Dickinson

This poem is about "gaining sea legs" as a metaphor for gaining life experience. There is risk as we gain experience.

Turn It Around!

"There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist." ---Mark Twain (notebook)

If They'd Have Had Facebook....

Please pardon what you find objectionable.....it's pretty funny stuff!

[Time Doesn't Always Heal]

They say that 'time assuages,'-- 

Time never did assuage; 

An actual suffering strengthens, 

As sinews do, with age. 

Time is a test of trouble, 

But not a remedy. 

If such it prove, it prove too 

There was no malady. ---Emily Dickinson

Report from a Pastor Search Committee

(a typical American mainstream Protestant church trying to get the pastor they think they deserve):

We do not have a good report: we haven't been able to find a suitable candidate for this church, though we have one promising prospect.
Thank you for your previous suggestions. We followed up on each with interviews or by calling at least three references. The following is our confidential report:
NOAH: Former pastorate of 120 years with no converts. Prone to unrealistic building projects.
JOSEPH: A big thinker, but a braggart; believes in dream interpreting and has a prison record.
MOSES: A modest and meek man, but poor communicator; even stutters at times. Sometimes blows his stack and acts rashly in business meetings. Some say he left an earlier church over a murder charge.
DEBORAH: One word --- Female.
DAVID: The most promising leader of all until we discovered the affair he had with his neighbor's wife.
SOLOMON: Great preacher, but serious woman problem. (He had 700 wives & 300 common-law wives.)
ELIJAH: Prone to depression; collapses under pressure.
HOSEA: A tender and loving pastor, but our people could never handle his wife's occupation. [She was a prostitute; God had actually told Hosea to marry her as an "object lesson."]
JONAH: Told us he was swallowed up by a great fish. He said the fish later spit him out on the shore near here. We hung up.
AMOS: Too much of a country hick. Backward and unpolished. With some seminary training, he might have promise; but he has a hang-up against wealthy people. 

JOHN: Says he is a Baptist, but doesn't dress like one. May be too Pentecostal. Tends to lift both hands in the air to worship when he gets excited. You know we limit to one hand. Sleeps in the outdoors, has a weird diet, and provokes denominational leaders.
PETER: Too blue collar. Has a bad temper, even said to have cursed. He's a loose cannon.
PAUL: Powerful CEO type and fascinating preacher. However, he's short on tact, unforgiving with young ministers, harsh, and has been known to preach all night.
TIMOTHY: Too young.

JESUS: Has had popular times, but once when his church grew to 5000, He managed to offend them all; and his church dwindled down to twelve people. Seldom stays in one place very long. And, of course, he is single.

JUDAS: His references are solid. A steady plodder. Conservative. Good connections. Knows how to handle money. We're inviting him to preach this Sunday in view of a call.

The Laws of Ultimate Reality

(from an e-mail circular):

Law of Mechanical Repair After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch, and you'll have to pee. 

Law of Gravity Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. 

Law of Probability The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. 

Law of Random Numbers If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal, and someone always answers. 

Law of the Alibi If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire. 

Variation Law If you change lanes, the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time). 

Law of the Bath When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. 

Law of Close Encounters The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. 

Law of the Result When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will. 

Law of Biomechanics The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. 

Law of the Theatre At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last. 

The Starbuck's Law As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. 

Murphy's Law of Lockers If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers. 

Law of Physical Surfaces The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug. 

Law of Logical Argument Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about. 

Brown's Law of Physical Appearance If the shoe fits, it's ugly. 

Oliver's Law of Public Speaking A closed mouth gathers no feet. 

Wilson 's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it. 

Doctors' Law If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.

If at First You Don't Succeed

"Flops are part of life's menu, and I've never been a girl to miss out on any of the courses." ---Rosalind Russell (actress) in the New York Herald Tribune (1957)

                         

(More) Reasons to Hate SUV's!!!

We already know the $4.00+ gallon-a-gas reason to hate 'em. Here are more: (1) they obnoxiously slow down to .0001 m.p.h. to make a simple right turn around a corner; (2) they take 4.7 minutes to go from 0-15 m.p.h., clogging up traffic behind them waiting to pull out when the light turns green (my 4-cylinder stick shift starts out much faster w/o burning up fuel!); (3) they may not get smashed up as much as a compact in an accident, but they roll easier (and compacts are easier to navigate away from an accident, anyway!). ---Marie Byars

Try Something New

Here's a novel thought: how about putting more people with a sociology or cultural anthropology background into the State Department??? ---Marie Byars

Not an Addition

"Every time he opens his mouth, he subtracts from the sum total of human wisdom" ---Teddy Roosevelt; regarding a Civil Service Commission flunky