An Erma Bombeck Life*

Nature abhors a vacuum. And so do I. Especially since it's moving time! ---Marie Byars

*Erma Bombeck was a humorist who wrote mostly on the drudgery of household upkeep.

Bad History

Q: Why were the Middle Ages called "the Dark Ages"?

A: Because of all the (k)nights! ---Anonymous  ♞♘🤴

(More) Reasons to Hate SUV's!!!

We already know the $4.00+ gallon-a-gas reason to hate 'em. Here are more: (1) they obnoxiously slow down to .0001 m.p.h. to make a simple right turn around a corner; (2) they take 4.7 minutes to go from 0-15 m.p.h., clogging up traffic behind them waiting to pull out when the light turns green (my 4-cylinder stick shift starts out much faster w/o burning up fuel!); (3) they may not get smashed up as much as a compact in an accident, but they roll easier (and compacts are easier to navigate away from an accident, anyway!). ---Marie Byars

Common Roots

"There is no king who has not had a slave among his ancestors, and no slave who has not had a king among his." ---Helen Keller; The Story of My Life (1903)   ♔♚♟♙

Higher Education

The faculty members might just as well keep their seats. There'll be no diving for this cigar. . .Well I thought my razor was dull until I heard his [the introducing professor's] speech. . .As I look out over your eager faces, I can readily understand why this college is flat on its back. The last college I presided over, things were slightly different. I was flat on my back. Things kept going from bad to worse, but we all put our shoulders to the wheel, and it wasn't long before I was flat on my back again. " ---Groucho Marx, in his first speech as a new college president in Horse Feathers

True Humility

God loves us, not because of who WE are, but because of who HE is. ---Marie Byars

  

Happy Mother's Day!

Children are the most delightful pledges of a loving marriage. They are the best wool on the sheep. ---Martin Luther

It is well known that children, according to the ordinary course of things, bear not only the physical appearance of their parents, but also their moral and mental characteristics. ---Martin Luther

In all simplicity and without any argument, children believe that God is gracious and that there is an eternal life. ----Martin Luther