More (*groan*) e-Mail Puns

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.                

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid,
but he says he can stop any time.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went,
and then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club,
but I'd never met herbivore.

When chemists die, they barium.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns.
It was a play on words.

PMS jokes aren't funny, period.

We're going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory.
I hope there's no pop quiz.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection -- urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
A Thesaurus.

All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen.
The police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Velcro -- what a rip off!

And if you doubt the one about how Moses makes tea,
I assure you Israeli true.

   ----Anonymous

Mother's Day Blessings

Daughter (R), Son (L), now both young adults


Almost looks like the same kid!  Seems like only yesterday...

Slow It Down!

Now we have "O." Before we had "W." Together that's "OW." No wonder we're all hurting. Wild pendulum swings are painful.  --Marie Byars

"The Fifth Marx Brother"

        Margaret Dumont (born Daisy Juliette Baker).  Believe it or not, this lovely lady went on to repeatedly play the stuffy, dowager widow in multiple Marx Brothers' movies.

My Inconclusive Travels

I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.

I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!

I may have been in Continent, and I don't remember what country I was in. It's an age thing.

                                 ---anonymous (e-mail circular)

Political Brinkmanship

Remorse

Remorse is memory awake,
Her companies astir--
A presence of departed acts
At window and at door.

It's past set down before the soul,
And lighted with a match,
Perusal to facilitate
Of its condensed despatch.
---from the poem by Emily Dickinson