My Type of Patriotism

For this 4th of July, this picture describes my patriotism:

#politics

Prince Harry in a Can

 

     There was a 20th century joke [recently revived online] about 'Prince Albert in a can.'* Prince Albert tobacco was not sold in cans for a while, though the larger tins are back.  The original tins were the 1.5 oz pocket tin and the 14 oz tin.

     Prince Albert went on to become King Edward VII of the UK.  In this modern time where branding is everything, a certain red-headed descendent of his could adapt this into his 21st century merching opportunity.

     [This blog will steer away from the truly cruel and vicious.  There are things to sympathize with Harry about... just not for the things he insists upon.  On the other hand, he comes across as, frankly, ridiculous, in some ways,  ways that feed into the divisive and worst trends of modern society.**]  

      Prince Harry claims he's given up tobacco smoking (or so he's said), so selling that in either size can seems out.  He cops to using 'wacky baccy' (weed, pot, MJ, etc), but it would still be against federal laws to sell that nationwide.  With questions hanging over his visa, he should probably skip that idea.

     So, what's a middle-aged modern prince to sell in a can?  Here's some ideas:

 

Small can:

• "Todger sheaths" (blue-colored would be best sellers)
• Snake in a can joke--  Harry still recounts with relish the way he was able to pull stunts on others.  He could roll out his own snake popping out of the can practical joke line.  
• Dried bananas-- the prince reports bananas are a favorite food.  Bananas have also figured into some of the couples' internet and royal outing stories...
• Dried mushrooms-- the big surprise would be that they are actually culinary mushrooms and NOT psychedelic mushrooms!
• Ginger Snaps or Ginger Chews (a real thing)
• Removable hip flask of hooch (see, also, below for tequila-specific suggestions).  These small tins were, after all, first designed as pocket tins.
• Photo trading cards of the heroic Sussexes saving the world! 
• Empty can would make a great cell phone carrier:  it might block hacking!  He could market this as a 2-in-1 purchase!
  

Bigger can:

• Toilet paper for Arctic & Antarctic adventures
• Tequila minis--  best choice, a joint venture featuring Casamigos Tequila, co-founded by erstwhile acquaintance George Clooney and once shilled by cousin-in-law Jack Brooksbank.  He might even get a deal to chug it on camera with Stephen Colbert.  [It seems "recovery" from substance abuse means different things to different people, although the recovery community is quite clear about what it means to them.]
• Dried, 'smoked' roast chicken.  Apparently roast chicken is another favorite dish of the prince's.  [I wonder if the chickens in the Montecito coop realize this; it could make them pretty nervous if they do.]  There are several ways that the chicken could be smoked...
• C**k cushion for extreme cold weather adventures.  Who knows-- maybe they could even be sold in the small can?  I don't really want to know that much detail.  [That was a common sentiment of many readers along about January 2023.]
• There's a product sold called "Candle in a Can."  Considering painful connections between  "Candle" and either of Princess Diana's sons, we will pass on this and wish both men peace in this regard. 
• "Air from [Name Place]" is something that is actually sold.  Perhaps the California prince could sell "Air from Montecito."  (Maybe Montecito is far enough out to avoid the serious smog of L.A.?  No one would want "Air from Los Angeles.") There are plenty of "hot air" jokes to Spare here.
• Sterno-type Stove in a Can.  Besides melting some snow to rehydrate that dried chicken in a can on your Arctic adventures, you could warm up your freezing todger a bit.
• Empty can would make a great toupee carrier.  Or maybe sell "Toupee in a Can."   You never know when that time might come for this prince or any man.  This would be a great-crossover into cold weather adventure supplies:  keeping the bald pate warm on outdoors adventures.  This is another 2-in-1 marketing angle.
  

• In fact, launching a whole line of outdoors adventuring supplies 'in a can' could work.  You, too, can go camping (or glamping) with Prince Harry, even if you can't afford to do so in Botswana.
• The empty can of either size could be used as an old-fashioned "hair receiver":  save your falling hair for 'future use' in a custom toupee (if you don't purchase a pre-made toupee in the can).  Still another 2-in-1 marketing plus.
•  Either size could be offered in the "Dior Suit Coronation Version."
  
•  Sadly, no "dry humor" in either can, despite the other dried goods possibilities.  Harry's humor doesn't trend in that direction, not even with the help of a renowned ghost writer.  Harry's is more the "in your face", unsophisticated type, often practical jokes at others' expense, if Spare is at all accurate.

      Another great idea comes from the current owner's name:  since the 1980s, the Prince Albert brand has been owned by the John Middleton Company.  Yes, Middleton. [No known relation to the Princess of Wales.]  Imagine the digs, biting yet another hand that feeds him through casting another set of Middleton aspersions.  Genius!

*For those of you who haven't heard the joke, due to your extreme youthfulness, this is how the joke went:  someone called a store (in the era before caller ID, etc.) and asked, "Do you have Prince Albert in a can?"  When the clerk said, "Yes", the caller responded, "Well, you'd better let him go!"

**If you stumble upon my little blog and assume things about my mindset, at least look around my blog before you ratify your assumptions and leave a comment.  If you comment assuming certain things, I will respond strongly with facts and information, not feelings or conspiracies.

More Ducal Branding

     The related post of this date (take a look) suggested some ways King Charles' second son could use his branding to set off in a new life direction.  Might we suggest some more?

Spare Bowling Alley Chains

          We all know spares are not as desirable as strikes in bowling.  Strikes come in the 1st part of the frame, spares come in the 2nd.  Spare Bowling Alleys give you the space to nurse your bad feelings towards self and others for getting spares, not strikes.  And if you're a loser who can't even get a spare, we are here to remind you we don't really have time for you-- you're not important to anyone's story.  Spare Bowling Alleys will impress that point upon you.  Only those who are stuck getting Spares, not strikes, are allowed to nurse their bad feelings about their bowling lives.

Harry's Spare Parts

     Prince Harry expressed his opinion that his parents had him primarily as a backup to his brother, even to provide spare body parts if his brother needed them.  Perfect tie-in for this business.  Instead of your tired old NAPA, O'Reilly, AutoZone, etc., buy parts that weren't needed for another car!  A few steps above "junk" and wrecking yards, but you'll still walk away knowing that these parts were never really loved as much as the originals. 

     (Once again, it is not right to be cruel nor hateful to Harry.  I have some sympathy for him, just not in the ways he demands it.  There is a certain ridiculousness to much of what he says.  Left to stand, this reinforces some of the worst trends in society.  As before, please do not assume what my actual mindset is.  Look at my blog carefully before assuming.  If someone stumbles upon this little blog, assumes things wrongly and leaves comments, I will respond strongly with verifiable information, not feelings or conspiracies. Thank you.)

More Groucho Marx Quotes

 

For your April Fool's enjoyment:  

• The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing.  If you can fake that, you've got it made.
• I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
• I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
• Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
• I intend to live forever or die trying.
• A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. 
• All people are born alike-- except Republicans and Democrats.
• Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
• A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere. 
• She got her looks from her father.  He's a plastic surgeon.
• Either he's dead, or my watch has stopped. 
• Why, a four-year-old child could understand this.  Run out and find me a four-year-old child:  I can't make head nor tail out of it.
• Before I speak, I have something to say. 
• Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you. 
• Humor is reason gone mad.   --Groucho Marx 

Groucho for Better Thinking

 

     Groucho Marx is usually thought about for his biting humor. This month's quote is a little more on the thoughtful side.  It even sounds like something a person might hear from a mental health provider:

Each morning when I open my eyes, I say to myself:  "I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.  I can choose which it shall be.  Yesterday is dead; tomorrow hasn't arrived yet.  I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."  (Attributed to Groucho in 1972 by Rufus W. Gosnell, an Aiken, SC, newspaperman.)

12 Days of Christmas* Math

If you got everything listed in the carol "The 12 Days of Christmas", here is what you would end up with:

12 partridges (in either one or 12 trees!)

22 turtledoves

30 French hens

36 calling birds

40 golden rings

42 geese a-laying  (and, at some point, all those goose eggs!)

42 swans a-swimming

40 maids a-milking (it's not even legal to give people as gifts; it never was ethical, even when legal!)

36 ladies dancing

30 lords a-leaping

22 pipers piping (oh, the noise if they're all bagpipers! 

12 drummers drumming (add this to the pipers and, oh, what noise on Day 12!)

[There are formulae for figuring total numbers of gifts, also.]

You will need to sell the golden rings to clean up the bird mess!

*The 12 Days of Christmas are NOT before Christmas, as a lead-up to them. Rather, they go from December 25th to Twelfth Night, January 5th. The next day, January 6th, is Epiphany, commemorating the coming of the Wise Men (before it commemorated the coming of other people to Washington, D.C. in 2021 😒).  [You can find several accounts on-line about how it was supposedly a way to secretly communicate Roman Catholic doctrines during Tudor Anglican times.]

Happy Veteran's Day

 
Here are some patriotic photos you may find moving this Veteran's Day... or any other patriotic holiday. They were all taken in the fall in Northern Arizona. 

Military Guest Lodging
Near Flagstaff, AZ

Old Ft. Tuthill Parade Grounds
Now part of the County Fair Grounds

Korean War Era Jeep
Military Musem, Ft. Tuthill

Commemorative Marker
Aircraft Training Accident, WW2
San Franciso Mountains