Sunday, October 1, 2023

Downfall of Our Forebearers

 

    The U.S. Founding Fathers modeled our Constitution heavily on the old Roman Republic.  The Republic preceded the Empire (the downfall of which a lot of modern thinkers want to use as a comparison to our times).  
     The Republic lasted from 506 BC to 27 BC, whereas the Empire went from 27 BC to "kind of" 476 AD.  (I say "kind of" because the first Germanic invasion didn't completely collapse the Roman system.  The invading Germans wanted to live as Romans.  It wasn't until a few invasions later, after the Lombard invasion of 568, that an invading Germanic people began dismantling the Roman system.)  
     Let's do the math on this.  The Roman Republic lasted 479 years.  Not a bad run for the first attempt at a democratic republic.  (Some Greek city-states had run smaller direct democracies for a while, but they didn't have the same lasting power.)  
     The Empire lasted variously 503 years, if counting to the first invasion, or up to about 600 years, if counting up until the Lombard dismantling of legal and structural systems.  Although the Empire lasted longer, it was a stinking, rotting corpse near the end, and, in fact, through other portions of its existence.  (There was a half-hearted attempt after Emperor Caligula to return to a republic, but it didn't amount to much.)  The Empire was propped up by slavery and, for a while, by constant absorption of new lands through conquest.  It was kind of a weird "pyramid system", relying on conquest (rather than drawing on creating new investors to prop up old ones, as do investment pyramid schemes)--  the needs in newly conquered territories would eventually be propped up, in some ways, by what was conquered after that.
     The Pax Romana created a system of relative peace and travel that allowed Christianity to take hold (accounting for the human rather than divine factors).   Off and on over time, some scholars have blamed these very Christians for the downfall of the Empire.  The reasons are too complicated to blame Christians.  Its time had come, like those banks that are propped up too long and called "too big to fail."   (I will agree that Emperor Theodosius [r. 379-395 AD], the one who made Christianity the official religion of the Empire, was a factor in the Empire falling.  He was a lousy emperor at several levels.  His time also saw Christians turning around and persecuting pagans.)  I think it's too much of a "parlor game" trying to find parallel causes of the Empire falling and what's happening in modern American society.  Since we were based on the Republic, that's where we need to go for answers.
     The Roman Republic destroyed itself, largely, by letting itself fall into the traps of a two-party political system. The parties didn't line up exactly along the lines that ours do, but there are some parallels.  Overall, the take-away is that such a system creates a tug-of-war.  It also leads to easier corruption because it's easier to pick a side and practice bribery to get power.  With multiple parties and multiple thought streams accounted for, it's a little harder to do this.  Contrary to how "originalists" operate now days, the Roman Republic was willing to adapt itself to keep functioning.  They got nearly 500 years out of their system. We have insanity brewing, and we haven't even made it to 250 years.
     The Roman historian Sallust (@85-35 BC) suggested the conquests were a factor in the Republic's downfall.  The influx of money from newly conquered territories was a factor. "Strongmen" arose, lusting for money and for power.  Violence began to replace voting.

Cicero Denounces Cataline  --Cesare Maccari, 1889
     Our Founding Fathers were pretty smart men, overall.  (As an aside, I disagree theologically with many of them because, counter to what some of my fellow believers say, they were not all Christian.  A lot of the prominent thinkers were Deists or proto-Unitarians, meaning they didn't believe in a Trinity.  But they were, seemingly, a pretty intelligent bunch.)  These men were trying to create a stronger system to replace the loose Articles of Confederation from right after the Revolutionary War. That weak, decentralized system left our new nation very vulnerable in several aspects, including militarily and economically.
     The Fathers were cautious and wanted a sensible balance between centralized powers, the rights of states and the rights of individuals (at least White landowning men).  They looked to the Republic.  Strangely, they did not take into enough account how partisanship had brought down the Republic. 
     They also did not take into account the politics in Great Britain at the time, which was already a constitutional monarchy with a sitting Parliament.  (The words directed at George III in the Declaration of Independence should more properly have been directed at Parliament.)  England had long used a "first-past-the-post" system, meaning the person who got the most votes (even if it were a "plurality" and not a "majority") won the race. England was also developing tug-of-wars between Tories and Whigs at that time.  The UK is largely a two-party system (allegedly), though other parties exist in name. With how badly Labour has conducted itself, it's practically a one-party system right now.  The Tories (Conservatives) are managing things so badly, though, that it remains to be seen what happens there.
     George Washington's exit speech when ending his presidency (see elsewhere in this blog, under the "politics" or "moderation" labels) warned strongly against developing a two-party system.  He warned it would have people at each other's throats.  He warned that it left the door open to foreign intervention in our political system, notably through bribery.
     So why couldn't the Fathers have taken some additional steps to address elections and parties in the Constitution? Some say there is no way to address this in such a document.   Yes, there were several ways. They could have pondered harder since they were intelligent and dedicated to the survival of our republic. They could have mandated that political parties not be private entities. They could have stipulated that, if parties were to form, there would be no less than three and no more than five at any one time.  If they had thought hard enough, they could have considered the option of required run-offs, as opposed to the first-past-the-post system.  After all, with the electoral college system, there were times that run-offs happened in the House of Representatives to choose the President in the early days.
     Hopefully our republic can course correct in ways the Roman Republic did not.

Saturday, June 24, 2023

Prince Harry in a Can

 
     There was a 20th century joke [recently revived online] about 'Prince Albert in a can.'* Prince Albert tobacco was not sold in cans for a while, though the larger tins are back.  The original tins were the 1.5 oz pocket tin and the 14 oz tin.
     Prince Albert went on to become King Edward VII of the UK.  In this modern time where branding is everything, a certain red-headed descendent of his could adapt this into his 21st century merching opportunity.
     [This blog will steer away from the truly cruel and vicious.  There are things to sympathize with Harry about... just not for the things he insists upon.  On the other hand, he comes across as, frankly, ridiculous, in some ways,  ways that feed into the divisive and worst trends of modern society.**]  
      Prince Harry claims he's given up tobacco smoking (or so he's said), so selling that in either size can seems out.  He cops to using 'wacky baccy' (weed, pot, MJ, etc), but it would still be against federal laws to sell that nationwide.  With questions hanging over his visa, he should probably skip that idea.
     So, what's a middle-aged modern prince to sell in a can?  Here's some ideas:
 
Small can:
  • "Todger sheaths" (blue-colored would be best sellers)
  • Snake in a can joke--  Harry still recounts with relish the way he was able to pull stunts on others.  He could roll out his own snake popping out of the can practical joke line.  
  • Dried bananas-- the prince reports bananas are a favorite food.  Bananas have also figured into some of the couples' internet and royal outing stories...
  • Dried mushrooms-- the big surprise would be that they are actually culinary mushrooms and NOT psychedelic mushrooms!
  • Ginger Snaps or Ginger Chews (a real thing)
  • Removable hip flask of hooch (see, also, below for tequila-specific suggestions).  These small tins were, after all, first designed as pocket tins.
  • Photo trading cards of the heroic Sussexes saving the world! 
  • Empty can would make a great cell phone carrier:  it might block hacking!  He could market this as a 2-in-1 purchase!
    Prince Harry in a Can tobacco spoof Prince Albert in a Can Paint application

Bigger can:
  • Toilet paper for Arctic & Antarctic adventures
  • Tequila minis--  best choice, a joint venture featuring Casamigos Tequila, co-founded by erstwhile acquaintance George Clooney and once shilled by cousin-in-law Jack Brooksbank.  He might even get a deal to chug it on camera with Stephen Colbert.  [It seems "recovery" from substance abuse means different things to different people, although the recovery community is quite clear about what it means to them.]
  • Dried, 'smoked' roast chicken.  Apparently roast chicken is another favorite dish of the prince's.  [I wonder if the chickens in the Montecito coop realize this; it could make them pretty nervous if they do.]  There are several ways that the chicken could be smoked...
  • C**k cushion for extreme cold weather adventures.  Who knows-- maybe they could even be sold in the small can?  I don't really want to know that much detail.  [That was a common sentiment of many readers along about January 2023.]
  • There's a product sold called "Candle in a Can."  Considering painful connections between  "Candle" and either of Princess Diana's sons, we will pass on this and wish both men peace in this regard. 
  • "Air from [Name Place]" is something that is actually sold.  Perhaps the California prince could sell "Air from Montecito."  (Maybe Montecito is far enough out to avoid the serious smog of L.A.?  No one would want "Air from Los Angeles.") There are plenty of "hot air" jokes to Spare here.
  • Sterno-type Stove in a Can.  Besides melting some snow to rehydrate that dried chicken in a can on your Arctic adventures, you could warm up your freezing todger a bit.
  • Empty can would make a great toupee carrier.  Or maybe sell "Toupee in a Can."   You never know when that time might come for this prince or any man.  This would be a great-crossover into cold weather adventure supplies:  keeping the bald pate warm on outdoors adventures.  This is another 2-in-1 marketing angle.
Prince Harry in a Can spoof Prince Albert in a Can Pain application
  • In fact, launching a whole line of outdoors adventuring supplies 'in a can' could work.  You, too, can go camping (or glamping) with Prince Harry, even if you can't afford to do so in Botswana.
  • The empty can of either size could be used as an old-fashioned "hair receiver":  save your falling hair for 'future use' in a custom toupee (if you don't purchase a pre-made toupee in the can).  Still another 2-in-1 marketing plus.
  •  Either size could be offered in the "Dior Suit Coronation Version."
  •  Sadly, no "dry humor" in either can, despite the other dried goods possibilities.  Harry's humor doesn't trend in that direction, not even with the help of a renowned ghost writer.  Harry's is more the "in your face", unsophisticated type, often practical jokes at others' expense, if Spare is at all accurate.
      Another great idea comes from the current owner's name:  since the 1980s, the Prince Albert brand has been owned by the John Middleton Company.  Yes, Middleton. [No known relation to the Princess of Wales.]  Imagine the digs, biting yet another hand that feeds him through casting another set of Middleton aspersions.  Genius!

*For those of you who haven't heard the joke, due to your extreme youthfulness, this is how the joke went:  someone called a store (in the era before caller ID, etc.) and asked, "Do you have Prince Albert in a can?"  When the clerk said, "Yes", the caller responded, "Well, you'd better let him go!"


**If you stumble upon my little blog and assume things about my mindset, at least look around my blog before you ratify your assumptions and leave a comment.  If you comment assuming certain things, I will respond strongly with facts and information, not feelings or conspiracies.


More Ducal Branding


     The related post of this date (take a look) suggested some ways King Charles' second son could use his branding to set off in a new life direction.  Might we suggest some more?

Spare Bowling Alley Chains


          We all know spares are not as desirable as strikes in bowling.  Strikes come in the 1st part of the frame, spares come in the 2nd.  Spare Bowling Alleys give you the space to nurse your bad feelings towards self and others for getting spares, not strikes.  And if you're a loser who can't even get a spare, we are here to remind you we don't really have time for you-- you're not important to anyone's story.  Spare Bowling Alleys will impress that point upon you.  Only those who are stuck getting Spares, not strikes, are allowed to nurse their bad feelings about their bowling lives.

Harry's Spare Parts



     Prince Harry expressed his opinion that his parents had him primarily as a backup to his brother, even to provide spare body parts if his brother needed them.  Perfect tie-in for this business.  Instead of your tired old NAPA, O'Reilly, AutoZone, etc., buy parts that weren't needed for another car!  A few steps above "junk" and wrecking yards, but you'll still walk away knowing that these parts were never really loved as much as the originals. 




     (Once again, it is not right to be cruel nor hateful to Harry.  I have some sympathy for him, just not in the ways he demands it.  There is a certain ridiculousness to much of what he says.  Left to stand, this reinforces some of the worst trends in society.  As before, please do not assume what my actual mindset is.  Look at my blog carefully before assuming.  If someone stumbles upon this little blog, assumes things wrongly and leaves comments, I will respond strongly with verifiable information, not feelings or conspiracies. Thank you.)



Saturday, April 1, 2023

More Groucho Marx Quotes

 
For your April Fool's enjoyment:  

  • The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing.  If you can fake that, you've got it made.
  • I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
  • I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
  • Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
  • I intend to live forever or die trying.
  • A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. 
  • All people are born alike-- except Republicans and Democrats.
  • Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
  • A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere. 
  • She got her looks from her father.  He's a plastic surgeon.
  • Either he's dead, or my watch has stopped. 
  • Why, a four-year-old child could understand this.  Run out and find me a four-year-old child:  I can't make head nor tail out of it.
  • Before I speak, I have something to say. 
  • Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you. 
  • Humor is reason gone mad.   --Groucho Marx 

Wednesday, March 1, 2023

Groucho for Better Thinking

 
     Groucho Marx is usually thought about for his biting humor. This month's quote is a little more on the thoughtful side.  It even sounds like something a person might hear from a mental health provider:

Each morning when I open my eyes, I say to myself:  "I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.  I can choose which it shall be.  Yesterday is dead; tomorrow hasn't arrived yet.  I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."  (Attributed to Groucho in 1972 by Rufus W. Gosnell, an Aiken, SC, newspaperman.)




Thursday, December 1, 2022

12 Days of Christmas* Math


If you got everything listed in the carol "The 12 Days of Christmas", here is what you would end up with:

12 partridges (in either one or 12 trees!)
22 turtledoves
30 French hens
36 calling birds
40 golden rings
42 geese a-laying  (and, at some point, all those goose eggs!)
42 swans a-swimming


40 maids a-milking (it's not even legal to give people as gifts; it never was ethical, even when legal!)
36 ladies dancing
30 lords a-leaping
22 pipers piping (oh, the noise if they're all bagpipers! 
12 drummers drumming (add this to the pipers and, oh, what noise on Day 12!)

[There are formulae for figuring total numbers of gifts, also.]

You will need to sell the golden rings to clean up the bird mess!

*The 12 Days of Christmas are NOT before Christmas, as a lead-up to them. Rather, they go from December 25th to Twelfth Night, January 5th. The next day, January 6th, is Epiphany, commemorating the coming of the Wise Men (before it commemorated the coming of other people to Washington, D.C. in 2021 😒).  [You can find several accounts on-line about how it was supposedly a way to secretly communicate Roman Catholic doctrines during Tudor Anglican times.]