My Son's "Christmas" Humor

An English Major Walks Into a Bar...

*A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs.

*Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.

*A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

*A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, sees the handwriting on the wall, but hopes to nip it in the bud.

*A cliché walks into a bar---fresh as a daisy, cute a s button, and sharp as a tack.

*Two quotation marks walk into a "bar."

* A synonym strolls into a tavern. 

---from bluebirdofbitterness.com

Wisdom for Life

• Death is the #1 Killer in the world.
• Life is sexually transmitted.
  
• Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one could die.
  
• Give a person a fish, and you feed them for a day.  Give a person the internet, and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.
  
• Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.
  
• All of us could take a lesson from the weather.  It pays no attention to criticism.In the 60's, people took acid to make the world look weird.  Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it look normal.
  
• Don't worry about old age: it doesn't last that long.
  

   --"Anonymous"; e-mail circular

Art TELLS Life

This 16th century Flemish [Belgian] painting takes a dim view of what happens when we humans turn on one another and devour one another.  This is happening right now, when uncaring and unfeeling economics are leaving too many workers in the U.S. with too few resources. 

(from the Chicago Art Institute---that city's museum):

Memorialized

The words of the First Amendment, immortalized on the wall of the First Amendment Building, Northern Arizona University.

     Notice what is says about religion:  the government should neither try to create a state religion nor repress citizens' rights to hold their religions.  Both "sides" in the Cultural Wars have it wrong. GLAAD & the LGBT community aren't going away, the Southern Baptists Convention isn't going away.  Evolutionary scientists aren't going away and creationists aren't going away.  Etc., etc, so we might as well learn how to agree to disagree.

Wiry

The audio on a commercial started out:  "Tired of itchy bands and digging wires?"  I was thinking about dental braces (which I recently got).  Turns out it was an ad for bras!   😉

Ted, Jr., Yet Again

     Brigadier General Theodore (Ted) Roosevelt, Jr., was President Theodore Roosevelt's oldest son.  It is especially good to remember him on D-Day,06 JUN.  He was the first General Officer on the beach on D-day.  Not only this, but he was leaning on a cane.... from injuries sustained in World War I!!!!
     As World War I had been drawing to a close, young Major Ted Roosevelt was asked to help form the American Legion.  The picture below is from the preamble to the Legion's constitution.  It mentions freedom from the "autocracy of the classes and the masses."  Neither mob rule nor oligarchy should define our country. These words are clearly those of Ted, Jr., and his father before him.  It's a shame we can't get that balance now!  (Of note, the "classes" are mentioned first... definitely a risk in our time... has been growing since the 80s.)

     For the record, the "100% Americanism" is of note.  Both Ted and his father wanted Americans to define themselves as "Americans without hyphens."  (I don't always do this because I do sometimes define myself as German-American.  I want to keep my ancestors' culture alive, particularly as I see little actual culture afloat in White America.)  But I take the point... and it cuts both ways.  It means we also have to let people of other races and other immigration statuses fully integrate as Americans. A lot of White Americans have griped over the years that minorities don't seem to fully integrate but have blocked them when they tried.  Not cool.