Knock Yourself Out

(Knock-Knock Jokes to Make You Groan)

1: Knock-Knock.
2: Who's there?
1: Owl say.
2: Owl say who?
1: You're right, they do!

1: Knock-Knock.

2: Who's there?

1: Pencil.
2: Pencil who?
1: Never mind; it's pointless.

1: Knock-Knock.

2: Who's there?

1: Kanga.
2: Kanga who?
1: No...Kangaroo!

******************

How to end a Knock-Knock joke:

1: Knock-Knock.
2: It's open!

Original Sin

I take issue with both laissez faire, hands-off capitalism and full socialism for the same reason: the inherent selfishness of humanity.  With unrestricted capitalism, you see the selfishness, the rising oligarchy, which this country went through once before, starting about 140 years ago.  With socialism, you would see those who are lazy wanting to sponge off those who work hard.  The optimal solution is a balance between the two.  --Marie Byars

My Son's "Christmas" Humor

An English Major Walks Into a Bar...

*A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs.

*Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.

*A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

*A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, sees the handwriting on the wall, but hopes to nip it in the bud.

*A cliché walks into a bar---fresh as a daisy, cute a s button, and sharp as a tack.

*Two quotation marks walk into a "bar."

* A synonym strolls into a tavern. 

---from bluebirdofbitterness.com

"Wisdom" for Life

• Death is the #1 Killer in the world.
• Life is sexually transmitted.
  
• Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one could die.
  
• Give a person a fish, and you feed them for a day.  Give a person the internet, and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.
  
• Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.
  
• All of us could take a lesson from the weather.  It pays no attention to criticism.

  
• In the 60's, people took acid to make the world look weird.  Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it look normal.
  
• Don't worry about old age: it doesn't last that long.

   --"Anonymous"; e-mail circular

Art TELLS Life

This 16th century Flemish [Belgian] painting takes a dim view of what happens when we humans turn on one another and devour one another.  This is happening right now, when uncaring and unfeeling economics are leaving too many workers in the U.S. with too few resources. 

(from the Chicago Art Institute---that city's museum):

Memorialized

The words of the First Amendment, immortalized on the wall of the First Amendment Building, Northern Arizona University.

     Notice what is says about religion:  the government should neither try to create a state religion nor repress citizens' rights to hold their religions.  Both "sides" in the Cultural Wars have it wrong. GLAAD & the LGBT community aren't going away, the Southern Baptists Convention isn't going away.  Evolutionary scientists aren't going away, and creationists aren't going away.  Etc., etc, so we might as well learn how to agree to disagree.