More Corny Jokes

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What did the mommy rope say to the baby rope?
"Don't be knotty."  

How do you make an orange giggle?
Tickle its navel.   🍊

What kind of candy is never on time?
Choco-late.  🍬

What do you get when you cross an elephant with Darth Vader?
An ele-vader.   🐘 👐👥

What has four legs, one head, but only one foot?
A bed. 🌙🌃

What are a storm's undergarments?
Thunder wear.  ☂⛆

Why was the broom late for work?
It over swept.  🧹

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole-in-one.   🏆

Why did the banana wear sunscreen at the beach?
It didn't want to peel.  🍌

What do you call a dentist who cleans alligator teeth?
Crazy!!!  🐊🦷

Corny Jokes

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Why do you eat sausage on February 2nd?
Because it's "ground hog."🐷🐷🐷🐹🐹🐹

What's a baby's motto?
If at first you don't succeed, cry, cry again.👶😢😭

What kind of craft does a pine tree do? 🌲
Needlepoint!   😝

What did the tomato say to the mushroom?
"You look like a fungi [fun guy]."  🍄

Where does the trombone stay off the merry-go-round?
Because it likes the slide.   🎵🎵🎵

Why aren't the trumpets on the slide?
Because they like to swing.  🎺🎺🎺 

Why don't Dalmatians like baths? 
They don't like being spotless.  🐶

Why did the hamburger quit answering questions?
If felt like it was being grilled.  🍔🍔

What did the cake say to the knife? 🗡
"You want a piece of me?"  🎂

What's the cleanest section in the choir?  
The soap-ranos.   🎶🎶🎶

On a stoplight, red means "stop" and green means "go."
When does red mean "go" and green mean "stop"?
On a watermelon!  🍉🍉🍉😏

Epiphany Day & Carnival Season

Homemade "King Cake" for Epiphany Day, January 6th, the kick-off of Carnival Season.  Purple for Justice, Green for Faith, Gold for Power. Named for the presumed Three Kings (really, an unknown number of Magi, or "seers").  A plastic Baby Jesus is put inside, and whoever gets Him brings the next King Cake.

Wisdom from a Spiritual Source

     The work of William Cowper (pronounced "Cowper"; 1731-1800) is featured on both my blogs this month. For more information, see the Christian Nature Poetry blog.
     Below are some timeless quotes from Cowper. Source material provided when possible.

"Variety's the very spice of life, That gives it all its flavour." --"The Timepiece", 1785; lines 606-607

"I am monarch of all I survey..." --Verses Supposed to be Written by Alexander Seldirk, 1782; line 1

"But still remember, if you mean to please, To press your point with modesty and ease." --William Cowper, John William Cunningham; “The works of William Cowper: Poems : with an essay on the genius and poetry of Cowper”, p.158 (1835)

"Absence of proof is not proof of absence."

"Who loves a garden loves a greenhouse, too." --“The Task: A Poem. In Six Books”, p.89 (1810)

"God made the country, and man made the town." --"The Sofa" line 749 (1785)

Cowper Summer Home, Olney, England

"Misery still delights to trace Its semblance in another's case." --“The Works of William Cowper: His Life, Letters, and Poems. Now First Completed by the Introduction of Cowper's Private Correspondence”, p.446 

“If the world like it not, so much the worse for them.” --Letters

"A little sunshine is generally the prelude to a storm."

"A life of ease is a difficult pursuit." -- “Poems”, p.290 (1815)

"No one was ever scolded out of their sins."

"When nations perish in their sins, 'tis in the Church the leprosy begins." --“Poems of William Cowper, Esq”, p.57 (1824) 

"The darkest day, if you live till tomorrow, will have past away."

"Nature is a good name for an effect whose cause is God." -- "The Winter Walk At Noon”

"England, with all thy faults, I love thee still..." --“The Life and Works of William Cowper: His life and letters by William Hayley" (1835) 

"No man can be a patriot on an empty stomach."

Ye therefore who love mercy, teach your sons to love it, too. --“The Poetical Works of William Cowper”, p.143 (1854)

"A fool must be right now and then, by chance." --"Conversation" line 96 (1782)

“Knowledge is proud that he has learned so much. Wisdom is humble that he knows not more.”

“Satan trembles, when he sees the weakest Saint upon his knees.” --“Olney Hymn 29: Exhortation To Prayer” 

"Man may dismiss compassion from his heart, but God never will."   --"The Winter Walk At Noon” 

"A self-made man? Yes, and one who worships his Creator."

"We turn to dust, and all our mightiest works die too." “The Works of William Cowper: Comprising His Poems, Correspondence, and Translations. With a Life of the Author”, p.83 (1835).

"Skins may differ, but affection Dwells in White and Black the same." --joint works & letters with James Thomson (1850)

     Cowper was an ardent abolitionist. He wrote a poem, "The Negro's Complaint." [old-fashioned terminology] A couple centuries later, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., quoted Cowper.

Bio from The Poetry Foundation

Cowper: "Light Shining Out of Darkness"; Christian Nature Poetry blog

Cowper: Seasonal Poem, Christian Nature Poetry Blog 

Why Did That Chicken Cross the Road?

(Some of this is a bit behind the times, but you all still know the references.)

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!
BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.

JOHN McCAIN: My friends, the chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.
DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white?
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross the road so badly. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way the chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish it's lifelong dream of crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2014, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2014. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

Refreshment

The White River, a tributary to the Salt River in Arizona.  This area lies on the boundary between two Apache Indian Reservations.

Walking, American Style

An American author for this Fourth of July, from one of his lesser-known works:

"He who sits still in a house all the time may be the greatest vagrant of all; but the saunterer, in the good sense, is no more vagrant than the meandering river... 

No wealth can buy the requisite leisure freedom, and independence which are capital in this profession... You must be born into the family of Walkers...  the walking of which I speak has nothing in it akin to taking exercise, as it is called... but is itself the enterprise and adventure of the day... " 

 ---Henry David Thoreau in "Walking", from the Atlantic Monthly, 1862.

Route 66 Tour

Route 66, where it splits off from I-40 in northwest Arizona

Wild Burros in Oatman

Colorado River, Grand Canyon

Different than in National Park

Permit to drive down (!)

Favorites

It always amazed me when our 45th president spoke of how much the press maligns "your favorite president."  I really didn't hear the press speak much on Theodore Roosevelt in our day & age!  😉😅  ---Marie Byars            

Knock Yourself Out

(Knock-Knock Jokes to Make You Groan)

1: Knock-Knock.
2: Who's there?
1: Owl say.
2: Owl say who?
1: You're right, they do!

1: Knock-Knock.

2: Who's there?

1: Pencil.
2: Pencil who?
1: Never mind; it's pointless.

1: Knock-Knock.

2: Who's there?

1: Kanga.
2: Kanga who?
1: No...Kangaroo!

******************

How to end a Knock-Knock joke:

1: Knock-Knock.
2: It's open!

Original Sin

I take issue with both laissez faire, hands-off capitalism and full socialism for the same reason: the inherent selfishness of humanity.  With unrestricted capitalism, you see the selfishness, the rising oligarchy, which this country went through once before, starting about 140 years ago.  With socialism, you would see those who are lazy wanting to sponge off those who work hard.  The optimal solution is a balance between the two.  --Marie Byars

My Son's "Christmas" Humor

An English Major Walks Into a Bar...

*A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs.

*Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.

*A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

*A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, sees the handwriting on the wall, but hopes to nip it in the bud.

*A cliché walks into a bar---fresh as a daisy, cute a s button, and sharp as a tack.

*Two quotation marks walk into a "bar."

* A synonym strolls into a tavern. 

---from bluebirdofbitterness.com

"Wisdom" for Life

• Death is the #1 Killer in the world.
• Life is sexually transmitted.
  
• Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one could die.
  
• Give a person a fish, and you feed them for a day.  Give a person the internet, and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.
  
• Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.
  
• All of us could take a lesson from the weather.  It pays no attention to criticism.

  
• In the 60's, people took acid to make the world look weird.  Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it look normal.
  
• Don't worry about old age: it doesn't last that long.

   --"Anonymous"; e-mail circular

Art TELLS Life

This 16th century Flemish [Belgian] painting takes a dim view of what happens when we humans turn on one another and devour one another.  This is happening right now, when uncaring and unfeeling economics are leaving too many workers in the U.S. with too few resources. 

(from the Chicago Art Institute---that city's museum):

Memorialized

The words of the First Amendment, immortalized on the wall of the First Amendment Building, Northern Arizona University.

     Notice what is says about religion:  the government should neither try to create a state religion nor repress citizens' rights to hold their religions.  Both "sides" in the Cultural Wars have it wrong. GLAAD & the LGBT community aren't going away, the Southern Baptists Convention isn't going away.  Evolutionary scientists aren't going away, and creationists aren't going away.  Etc., etc, so we might as well learn how to agree to disagree.

Wiry

The audio on a commercial started out:  "Tired of itchy bands and digging wires?"  I was thinking about dental braces (which I recently got).  Turns out it was an ad for bras!   😉

Ted, Jr., Yet Again

     Brigadier General Theodore (Ted) Roosevelt, Jr., was President Theodore Roosevelt's oldest son.  It is especially good to remember him on D-Day,06 JUN.  He was the first General Officer on the beach on D-day.  Not only this, but he was leaning on a cane.... from injuries sustained in World War I!!!!
     As World War I had been drawing to a close, young Major Ted Roosevelt was asked to help form the American Legion.  The picture below is from the preamble to the Legion's constitution.  It mentions freedom from the "autocracy of the classes and the masses."  Neither mob rule nor oligarchy should define our country. These words are clearly those of Ted, Jr., and his father before him.  It's a shame we can't get that balance now!  (Of note, the "classes" are mentioned first... definitely a risk in our time... has been growing since the 80s.)

     For the record, the "100% Americanism" is of note.  Both Ted and his father wanted Americans to define themselves as "Americans without hyphens."  (I don't always do this because I do sometimes define myself as German-American.  I want to keep my ancestors' culture alive, particularly as I see little actual culture afloat in White America.)  But I take the point... and it cuts both ways.  It means we also have to let people of other races and other immigration statuses fully integrate as Americans. A lot of White Americans have griped over the years that minorities don't seem to fully integrate but have blocked them when they tried.  Not cool.

Alphabet Soup

Apparently, I'm friends with 25 letters of the alphabet.  I don't know "why"....  😉 
---Anonymous 

Theodosius the Atrocius

It's real popular with a certain crowd of conservative Christians to talk about creating "a Christian nation" here in America.  Talk about misguided!  That's never commanded in the New Testament.  We're supposed to get on with our work of sharing the Good News of Jesus through private endeavors.

In fact, an early attempt to create "a Christian nation" did not turn out well.  The Roman Emperor Constantine is somewhat well known for making Christianity legal. Before this, Christians had suffered episodic persecution.  

Then Theodosius came along and made Christianity the official religion of the Roman Empire.  Theodosius did some really foolish things as emperor.  (He does get credit, though, for ending some on-going conflict with the Germanic Goths.) Though Theodosius' rule was not the final cause of Rome's fall, it did add to it.  

Adaptation of a bust found in Turkey, thought to be Theodosius I

Plus, the Christians turned around and persecuted the pagans, something we were never told to do.  In fact, both Jesus & St. Paul gave us such injunctions as "put up your sword [regarding religious matters]", "shake the dust off your feet [just go on your way]", and "as much as it is possible for you, live in peace with others."  

It seems to work better to use the economic benefits that come from well-run governments and societies to support the Christian Church privately.

It's interesting that Rome fell AFTER it became "officially Christian."  This should be a warning that creating a Christian nation is not going to guarantee an easy life.  Read on:

Theodosius I- Wikipedia

Theodosius I- Encyclopedia Britannica

Theodosius the Great: Saint or Sinner

Plus, you had people "glomming on" to Christianity to curry favor with the Emperor and other high officials. Christianity lost its glow as a movement of grace and love, first God's towards us, then Christians' towards each other.

It also led into centuries of forced state church religion in Europe. After warfare done in its name, a lot of Europe has shed Christianity.

This is NOT the way to go.